Embarrassed and Honored
Adrien, my editor, decided to embarrass the hell out of me today. I read this in public and turned three shades of red.
I also got choked up. Crap, I’m getting choked up right now, too.
~Ahem~
101-Word Stupor — “Out of the Sea”
Keywords: Brie, Cadence, Metallic
“Oh, hell, I’ll tell ya,” he says in a quick cadence, “Ain’t never caught a fish this big. A-yup, it’ll feed the little-uns for weeks. That fish come up singing. Singing. I spat out the brie Mary packed me soon as it smiled and winked. It had this long red hair, see? Long ass metallic-green flippers. Sang ’bout walkin’ where people go, seein’ things out of the sea. I just a’ smiled and dumped it inside mah boat. When I got home, Mary slathered it with sweet butter. Damn thing squealed the whole time I deboned it. Here, have a bite.”
101-Word Stupor — Can I Stay the Night?
Keywords: Sweatshirt, Cowboy, Vitriol
The old farmer smells turpentine and sex: like bologna and mayo sandwiches warmed in the sun. He tilts his straw hat, pulls a pickle from his pocket and munches. “A-yup,” he says with vitriol. “They been diddlin’ in my shed.” The stained mattress tells the story. A soiled sweatshirt sits near the tractor, likely used to mop up. Old Joe loads the shotgun. It’s always the same. He’s filled three ditches with traveling salesmen, lawyers, cowboys. He’s filled the barn with cars that “broke down” or “ran out of gas.” Thinking of his three beautiful daughters, Farmer Joe whistles. It’s time.
Preview for tomorrow: Brie, Cadence, Metallic
101-Word Stupor — Grocery Store Torture
Keywords: Scone, Linebacker, Aphrodisiac
Helen stops setting groceries on the conveyer belt. She stares at the magazine cover. That’s me, she thinks. Well, not anymore. She glances down at her own 45-year old linebacker body, sniffs, and returns her gaze to the airbrushed blond with the high-arched cheeks. Helen grabs the bag of scones from the checker’s hand. “Not those,” she says, trying to exude the same Aphrodisiac Charm as the girl on the cover. I used to look like that, she thinks. I used to— “Paper or plastic, ma’am.” Ma’am. Ma’am. When did people start calling me— “Do you need help to your car?”
Keyword Preview for Tomorrow: Sweatshirt, Cowboy, Vitriol
101-Word Stupor — Free Range
Keywords: Boisterous, Abracadabra, Golf
George’s wife and her lover rotate on the rotisserie pole, bare asses dipping into the fire with every turn of the spit: hers, his, hers, his… The metal growls with each rotation. Abracadabra! his friend’s body disappears into the flames, then reappears. They’re screaming, but not like they were when George caught them. Now his wife rasps unintelligibly. And his friend sounds like the pig they roasted after playing golf last weekend. The spit grinds, rotates, and drags his wife through the fire. Something’s missing. With a boisterous “Ah-hah!”, George enters the trailer and emerges with two shiny apples. Much better.
Keyword Preview for tomorrow: Scone, Linebacker, Aphrodisiac
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