Posted by jbeymer on Aug 11, 2010 in Uncategorized
Keywords: Clarinet, Wrestling, Eskimo
There’s an Eskimo under my bed. No, don’t peek; he hates that. Every night I put on my jammies then lull him to sleep with my clarinet (“Ode to Joy” — he loves that one). Mommy thinks I’m practicing for music class. Sometimes I hear him sobbing; he misses the taste of baby seal. Well, I’ve never seen one at school or on my paper route, and my encyclopedia says they’re slippery. The idea of wrestling one? Gross. Yesterday I fed him tuna and said it was baby seal. But he knew the difference. I mean, come on, he’s an Eskimo.
Preview for tomorrow: Counterfeit, Frog, Dirigible
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Posted by jbeymer on Aug 11, 2010 in Uncategorized
I guest-blogged at Lyrical Press today.
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Posted by jbeymer on Aug 10, 2010 in Uncategorized
Keywords: Bagel, Optometrist, District
Life sucks. One minute you’re fleeing the Hand of God, the next you’re a pillar of salt. I’d turned to check out the fun bags on Lot’s wife, caught a glimpse of the city and Bam! Salt. Now the wind blows through the woman’s salted face; It takes her nose and eyes until her head looks like a bagel. I think they were siblings, but I don’t judge. I’m from Sodom after all; middle-class district. Optometrist, married to three goats, a horse named Wilma, a de-toothed camel and— Uh-oh. Stay away from me Wilma. Stop licking your lips. Crap. Life sucks.
Keyword Preview for Tomorrow: Clarinet, Wrestling, Eskimo
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