Posted by jbeymer on Aug 15, 2010 in Uncategorized
Keywords: Sweatshirt, Cowboy, Vitriol
The old farmer smells turpentine and sex: like bologna and mayo sandwiches warmed in the sun. He tilts his straw hat, pulls a pickle from his pocket and munches. “A-yup,” he says with vitriol. “They been diddlin’ in my shed.” The stained mattress tells the story. A soiled sweatshirt sits near the tractor, likely used to mop up. Old Joe loads the shotgun. It’s always the same. He’s filled three ditches with traveling salesmen, lawyers, cowboys. He’s filled the barn with cars that “broke down” or “ran out of gas.” Thinking of his three beautiful daughters, Farmer Joe whistles. It’s time.
Preview for tomorrow: Brie, Cadence, Metallic
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Posted by jbeymer on Aug 14, 2010 in Uncategorized
Keywords: Scone, Linebacker, Aphrodisiac
Helen stops setting groceries on the conveyer belt. She stares at the magazine cover. That’s me, she thinks. Well, not anymore. She glances down at her own 45-year old linebacker body, sniffs, and returns her gaze to the airbrushed blond with the high-arched cheeks. Helen grabs the bag of scones from the checker’s hand. “Not those,” she says, trying to exude the same Aphrodisiac Charm as the girl on the cover. I used to look like that, she thinks. I used to— “Paper or plastic, ma’am.” Ma’am. Ma’am. When did people start calling me— “Do you need help to your car?”
Keyword Preview for Tomorrow: Sweatshirt, Cowboy, Vitriol
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Posted by jbeymer on Aug 13, 2010 in Uncategorized
Keywords: Boisterous, Abracadabra, Golf
George’s wife and her lover rotate on the rotisserie pole, bare asses dipping into the fire with every turn of the spit: hers, his, hers, his… The metal growls with each rotation. Abracadabra! his friend’s body disappears into the flames, then reappears. They’re screaming, but not like they were when George caught them. Now his wife rasps unintelligibly. And his friend sounds like the pig they roasted after playing golf last weekend. The spit grinds, rotates, and drags his wife through the fire. Something’s missing. With a boisterous “Ah-hah!”, George enters the trailer and emerges with two shiny apples. Much better.
Keyword Preview for tomorrow: Scone, Linebacker, Aphrodisiac
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Posted by jbeymer on Aug 12, 2010 in Uncategorized
Keywords: Counterfeit, Frog, Dirigible
“I ain’t no good, Clara,” one frog says to the other. “I only got one leg, and the other’s all busted up. That chef in Louisiana… he almost got me. I watched my own leg get beer-battered. Christ. I’m drunk on tree sap most the time, lettin’ teenage humans lick my back so they’ll get higher than a… whatcha call it? Di-rig-ible? I sell counterfeit fireflies to tourist frogs, sprinklin’ glitter on houseflies’ wings to make them sparkle. Hell, Clara. I gotta make a livin’. Go find yourself a nice frog. I’m— Oh, come here. Give an old frog a kiss.”
Preview: Boisterous, Abracadabra, Golf
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Posted by jbeymer on Aug 11, 2010 in Uncategorized
I was interviewed at Writing Insight!
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